Telepath Emergence [resubmit]

The author says:

Second test of concept, previously submitted under the title Ravaged Worlds. Changed it to give more emphasis on the type of story it truly is.

Keisha Rose has a curse. She’s an empath, able to feel the emotions of everyone around her, overwhelming her, forcing the young woman to live a life of isolation. When a race of alien telepaths invade her colony world, they do so by projecting overpowering waves of despair. They quickly capture Keisha, and unwittingly unlock her full telepathic potential. Keisha Rose must not only come to grips with her own curse, but must now deal with the fact that the fate of all humanity now rests on her ability to control her mental powers and use them against the invading “Mind Assassins.” This is the first book of a trilogy. The novel is science fiction.

The submitted cover is a test of concept.

[original submission and comments here]

Nathan says:

It certainly works better than your original submission. So does the new title inasmuch as it related better to the book described, although it somehow seems pointedly inelegant. I’d play around with combining words from your book title and series title to see if you can find one that flows more trippingly from the tongue.

I like the idea of the rest; here’s how I would look at refining it:

  • The star pattern isn’t recognizable as such from the thumbnail. I’d add at least a few bright twinklers than can see seen from a distance.
  • I don’t think we need to see the whole face. If you crop it at the bottom of the nose, then the focus will be even more on the eyes.
  • I don’t think the completely monochromatic skin works. I’d add at least a little tint.
  • Play with that font. Yes, it conveys “science fiction,” but it’s also harder to read than it needs to be, and it’s more than a little bit ugly.

Other comments?

The Spectra Unearthed

The author says:

Book description: YA fantasy: An exiled princess must unite six elemental clans to overcome the ancient society that destroyed her family. Her clan’s abilities are nature-based, including shape-shifting.

Nathan says:

The image’s file name as sent is “Unearthed idea 1.JPG,” so I assume that this is still at the concept stage, ad we shouldn’t criticize rough edges, yes?

Thought #1: The title blends into the background — the hue may contrast, but the light/dark values are too similar.  And the inconsistent drop shadow doesn’t help. Make it POP.

Thought #2: There’s a lot of unused space above the title. If you’re planning to use that for the series title and a blurb or tagline, fine. Otherwise…

Thought #3: The model’s stance is too much “unthreatening hippie chick” and too little “strong young woman standing up to adversity.

I assume that, because of the unfinished state, the animals roughed in around the border are placeholders.

Other thoughts?

 

Blue Sky: Deadly Secrets [resubmit]

The author says:

A terrorist tracks professor Jason Butler to reclaim secret sacred texts.Can Jason conquer his inner demons in time to survive the deadly poison called Blue Sky, rescue his family, and save his life? After a tumultuous past, Jason and his wife are at a turning point where everything looks wonderful. But disaster hits. Taking place on a university campus in 1986, Jason sees a terrorist assassinate a colleague who sent him sacred religious manuscripts. The manuscripts are deadly to possess, and the terrorist must reclaim them. The assassin kills with a poison called Blue Sky. To his dismay, the police pursue Jason as the prime suspect. Wherever he turns, Jason can’t escape: he can’t go to the police, he can’t find his family, he can’t return the manuscripts, and he can’t elude the assassin. Why has his family disappeared? Will he survive the deadly Blue Sky?

[original submission and comments here]

Nathan says:

I think you’re getting closer, at least in the elements you chose. Here’s where I would concentrate my efforts:

  • The ginger background, while pretty, doesn’t add anything except filing space.  I’d darken it enough to really contrast with the running figure.
  • Your description mentions “sacred religious manuscripts,” and with the definite Da Vinci Code vibe here, one would expect something Latinate, not hieratic Egyptian.  Better change either the image or your description.
  • In fact, I’d overlay the hieratic text lightly across the whole dark area, like so (five-minute version):

It needs a lot more work, obviously, but that’s the direction I’d go.

Other thoughts?

 

Dark Museum [resubmit]

The author says:

All Sophia wants is to leave work and see her favourite artist in concert. She meets him: Josh. He’s friendly and dreamy and they click. But before Sophia and Josh know what’s happening, their champagne is drugged and they wake up in a fashion museum. At least, it used to be. The museum is dark and unattended. The two of them are dressed in strange costumes, as are the mannequins and dress forms. Exhibits display creepy designs, unnatural taxidermy, random boxes and step ladders, putrid food in the employee lounge… No one’s coming back. They meet the other people in the museum. No one knows how they got there, and with no outside doors or windows, no one knows how to get home. The phones are cut, but surveillance is running. Tempers flare as food runs out. If they don’t kill each other, the museum will.

________ Suspense, mystery, 20 minutes into the future (2nd attempt at this cover — used to be called The Museum)

[original submission and comments here]

Nathan says:

I honestly think you’re getting farther away. The text is hard to read, and the museum isn’t comprehensible as such without a good long look. And “warm gray” really doesn’t read as “suspense.”

Here’s what I think you need to do:

  • Identify a half-dozen novels that you would expect to be in the same shopping cart as yours.
  • Examine the covers for those novels. Look for commonalities.  As yourself, “How does the reader of these novels know that these novels are meant for him/her?”  Is is bold type? High contrast? Backlit silhouettes? A color scheme dominated by one strong color?
  • Use the visual cues you just gleaned to come up with your cover concept.

Other comments?

Copper Pennies

The author says:

Magda stands in the moonlit cemetery waiting for the spell to work, for her lover to return. But what’s done can’t be undone, and Magda will learn she should have left him in the ground. When twins Avery and Chloe Parsons receive a cryptic letter and a sinister-looking book filled with illegible scrawls from their grandmother, they set out for Prague to check on her. Drawn to a cracked crystal ball in a curiosity shop, Chloe discovers it harbors the spirit of their grandmother, who tells them a horrific tale of lust, naïveté, betrayal, and… demons. Armed with a book of dark magick they can’t read and a cracked crystal ball, the twins must stop Magda’s resurrected lover before he releases an unstoppable force that will consume the human world.

Across continents and nearly a century, follow the adventures of three strong-willed women: one seduced by evil, one struggling to withstand the lure of power, and one trying to save her family—and the world.

Nathan says:

I have absolutely no criticisms of this. It’s professional, it points to the appropriate genre… It’s fine.

Anyone say anything different?